HELP A SISTER.

Hi Kanyinsola,

I’m Deborah (not her real name) from Festac. I’ve been a regular visitor of your blog. Why did you stay away for so long? Hope you’re alright.
As I write you this day, I write with a heavy heart. I’d like to share my story with you and anybody it concerns. I’ve been told that I’ll get over it, if I talk about it. I hope the doctor is right. Even if he’s not, I just have to spill it.

I’m 26 years old, tall, dark and beautiful. I got married at the age of 23.
I met my husband at a friend’s birthday party on the 13th of January 2008. We grew to know each other. We fell in love and got married on the 29th of August 2009.
Kunle adored me. He loved me so much, that I didn’t have to worry about a thing. He cooked me dinner sometimes. He cleaned my car every weekend, bought me surprise gifts. I was spoilt rotten. He treated me like a Queen. I got pregnant almost immediately after our wedding. After that he told me to quit my job. He said he didn’t want me to undergo any stress anymore. He said he’ll do just fine taking care of me and our baby.
I delivered a baby girl on the 12th of June 2010. Gosh… she looked just like him. My Mother-in-law calls her “Olakunle kekere”.

After I gave birth to Tobi, everything changed.
My husband first started to complain about my stomach. He wanted my stomach to go back to the way it was when he married me. I told my Mother-in-law about it and she prepared a lot of herbs for me. We also spent extra time in the bathroom pressing my stomach with hot water.
My stomach was not big. My friends even congratulated me on that. I’ve seen so many women give birth to their first and their stomach is very big.
My mother-in-law made him realize that it was getting too stressful for me and told him it wasn’t big. I made sure I did a lot of exercise though.

Immediately that problem ended, another came up.
He complained I dint make him his breakfast anymore.
This man leaves home around 5.30am. I cuddle and feed the baby all night. The time I get to sleep is early in the morning. Tell me, how do I wake up by 4.30am to cook him breakfast? He is clearly not the Bread and Butter kind of Man. I told him to get us a house help so that I can do so many things while she’s holding the baby,…He said they break homes. I managed that problem by cooking the night before and microwaving it in the morning.

Things just started changing. He complained about almost anything. He cared less about me. If his baby girl was okay, then everything was okay. He didn’t even smile most times I made a joke. We started growing apart. The only thing that brought us together was our baby, our bed and sex… The sex wasn’t even passionate anymore. He did more of what he wanted to do than what I liked him doing. He didn’t touch me the way I liked it, didn’t even kiss me the way I liked it. Everything changed. “How are you?” became “How’s Tobi?”

I took me 6 months to know what exactly was going on.
We had a fight one Tuesday night. I went for a friend’s father’s wake keep. I left the place late and I got home around 10.00pm. My husband was furious. He said a lot of nasty things to me. He cursed. He swore. The only thing he didn’t do was hit me. Kunle would never hit me.
The next morning, he left for work without eating or talking to me.
I admitted it was all my fault.
I decided to pack his breakfast and go to his office to apologize to him.
When I got there, I didn’t find him in the office, so I waited.
After about 20minutes, I was pressed. My husband has his private toilet so I looked around for the key and couldn’t find it. I decided to go to there to check if he left the key at the door knob. When I got there, I heard his voice in the toilet. My first thought was that he was receiving a phone call, not until I heard another voice; it was a lady’s voice. I almost dropped dead. Kunle was having sex with another woman in his toilet. I couldn’t scream. I just sat there on the floor crying with my hands covering my mouth. That’s not all that happened. My husband came out first. When he saw me, there was shock written all over him. He couldn’t stop the woman from coming out because it was all too spontaneous. When I saw the woman I recognized her instantly.
My husband didn’t say a word. The only statement I could utter in tears was “For how long?” and with no sense of remorse the lady answered “Long enough”. That was just enough to run me mad. I grabbed Kunle’s shirt, hit him so many times. All I could ask was “Why”. Why did he do this to me? He didn’t move. He didn’t say a word. I made a big scene at his office. I was heartbroken.

The Lady I saw, was the same lady he came with, on my friends birthday- the day we met. I didn’t ask him who she was, because I didn’t think it was necessary.

I slept at a friend of mine’s house. Kunle had drawn me away from my family. I didn’t call my mum unless I needed her help or wanted to send her some money. My siblings don’t even know me anymore. When I married Kunle, I lived my life for him. I breathed him. I had no other family but his.
I went to my parent’s house and told them all that happened.
They arranged a meeting with Kunle’s parent’s and Kunle.

It was at the meeting I heard everything. The Lady’s name is Tosho and she was his girlfriend when I met him. He broke up with her and married me, not knowing she was pregnant. She gave him the news after we were married. He said he tried to stay away from her but the thought of his unborn child made him stay. They started an affair again.
Tosho has a child for my husband. I am 2months and a week pregnant again. Tosho says she is not planning on leaving Kunle- my own husband and father of Tobi and my unborn child.

Presently, I’m living at a friends place, because my parents wont let me stay with them because I’m married. Kunle is keeping mute about all these. I’m thinking of aborting this thing growing in me. I want to start a new life. I started this one on a fast lane, getting married at 23.
I’m too young for all these to be happening to me. I don’t know what to do yet, but I’m thinking and when I’m done thinking,… Nobody dares stop me.